Apakah perasaan itu?

Ada ketikanya,sukar untuk kita fahami apakah perasaan yang ada,timbul dan wujud dalam diri...Adakah hanya muncul tak terduga?Secara tiba-tiba?Atau kah kerana suatu keadaan atau pengalaman lampau?Tidak tahu..
The feeling is indescribable.How am I supposed to write about this?Where do I start?Please help me.
Sometimes,I feel some sensation of a very deep longing feeling to go somewhere nostalgic.I even had this urge to go back to someplace familiar.Such as now,I longed to be back to my kampung to the time when I was a small girl.Back to the school,walking down the rubbled path to school.That was the time when life was full of joy.A simple kampung life.I swim in the river,I trekked into the woods right behind our house.I climbed trees.I tossed my bag into the house and run around.Sometimes I played volleyball at school.Sometimes,as an eldest sister I didn't get to play that much,coz I have to look after my younger siblings.Sometimes I was angry towards my mum,i answered her back.But she loved me.Never the less!Life was much simpler at that time.Those were the days when the elderly loved the younger lot unconditionally.Those were the days when our mothers let us play around the village without feeling worried.Those were the days when everybody knows each and everyone of them.I lived in a humble kampung where they grow paddy,do the rubber tapping,small scaled fishermen earn their living by catching fishes & freshwater prawns.So far,nothing much have changed.Only that nowadays every household is having their house well-lit by 24hrs electricity supply.And people no longer swim the river,only crocos do!But still,the sunset & the sunrise stays as it was.Breathtaking!Amazing!It's just me.I am no longer staying in my kampung.I have been away from even before i had my 1st mensus.I went to school in JB.My parents started to move out of the kampung as well.My dad started his business and they lived in Sarikei.He made it.Suddenly everything changed.Our simple kampung life has changed.We own a number of things which is deemed unnecessary to kampung people,or maybe unaffordable to 'em.I spent 3 yrs in JB.That was then.As for me,I continued to live faraway from my village.I studied in Kuching,Samarahan & Kuching again.I worked in Kuching,get married,further my study and have kids.And I worked again,and remained in Kuching.I was kept bz attending to my life's need.I hardly go back to kampung despite the helpless cry from my parents.I knew i've disappointed them,but what other choice do I have?The only thing is that they're still very healthy to drive from kampung to Kuching,to meet me and their only grandchildren.My 3 kids.I didn't mean to ignore them,let alone to purposely hurt their feeling.Thankfully,they seemed to be patient enough.But I know deep inside their hearts,they wished that I can be the same old me.Mak & Bapak,I am the same old me!I never changed.I always think of both of you with love ad compassions,but sometimes,the lifestyle that I live in is very demanding.Sometimes I miss the simple lifestyle that we led before this.But I know that would not be possible.Time has changed.And with that I need cope up and adapt to the changes.InsyaAllah,i will try my best to be a good daughter,maybe not now.One fine day,with all the prayer and hope,together with all the efforts,things will be better.Amin.